SORROW AND REGRET 2024
Today there was no party. Nonetheless, I found myself crying. It was utterly unexpected. Since my kids evicted me from my house in Paris in 1998, I have not cried. After that dreadful event, I shut down. I refused all emotion. The pain of what had happened was so deep and pervasive that I knew I would never live through more of the same. So I blocked all entries to emotion. I knew that if I cried about what had happened, I would die crying. So I blockaded emotion. Never again would I trust or believe blindly in anyone.
Many years have gone by. During those years, I have had cancer and heart disease and in 2018, I even managed to break my hip. Through it all, I don’t remember crying. Early this year (2024) I slipped and fell kerplunk on my derrière, landing on my tiled kitchen floor. That spill netted me a fractured sacrum. Three painful months in a convalescent clinic with daily physical therapy sessions, put me back on my feet. Thanks to the superior French health care system so far, I have always recovered.
But today, on the French TV news (I live in France) they showed how in a red-roofed hilltop town in Provence, the small, individually owned shops were shutting down. One after the other. According to the reportage, people no longer come to town to search for that perfect dress for that elegant soirée. Now they go to the mall or buy online.
No more cute shops. No more small family run restaurants. No more jewelers or butchers or charcuteries. Merchants are simply closing their doors and leaving. The French expression Ils mettent la clé sous la porte means: "They put the key under the door." The image speaks for itself. They close up shop. The more the TV news person spoke, the further I sank into my chair. I couldn’t stand watching the slow but sure erosion of all that I knew about living in a town. My town.
It was then I found myself welling up. In half a minute, I was awash in tears, sobbing for the loss of my cozy old world.
Thanks Kathleen. I'm swamped. Glad you liked Sorrow. I shall try to write something more upbeat next. Smooches, Suzanne
Puedes escribir me in ingles o in français ? Besitos Suzanne